In 2017 a Palmer pizza shop owner showed us all the blueprint for how not to behave on social media.
A woman in Palmer named Maigan Zola apparently was not satisfied with the food she ordered from Saporito’s Pizza in the village of Three Rivers:
As you can see she made this review on May 4. And from their 1.4 star rating, you know the food is legit. Well apparently the owner of Saporito’s, Mike Sabourin, decided to come on and do what any good business owner would do when he saw a bad review – tried to make it right with the customer.
LOL. Just kidding. He called her fat:
They don’t teach that in business school.
Oh, and always point out that you can wrap your arms around your girlfriend and touch your elbows (whatever that means):
Because I’m sure your girlfriend wants to be dragged into the shitstorm you’re about to create.
And I’m sure when Mike Sabourin was getting his MBA one of the first things they taught him was to accuse critics of being drug addicted homosexuals:
Yup, that should go over well.
Potential customers also really like to hear about is how rich you are from your wildly successful pizza shop in Palmer:
Bonus points for calling her a size 30. That was wise.
Hey Maigan, he’d love to chat some more, but when you’re a Palmer baller it’s hard to find the time:
Because everyone knows all the real ballers own pizza shops in Three Rivers and live in Granby.
And it looks like Mike employs some real winners too. This is “Chelseaa Ellen”:
And as you can tell from her ratchtacular outfit, she is a model of fitness and overall cleanliness. Goes well with her collection of moles, tittoos, the assortment of scrap metal attached to her face, and the hoola hoops that accidentally lodged in her ears during that tornado from a few years ago.
Obviously this snatchimal is a catch, so she found herself one of the finest Voke-stached high school equivalency chudstuffers in the greater Three Rivers region:
Anyway, Chelseaa caught Maigan in a “gotcha” situation when she didn’t have her inches right:
She defended her fellow employee, who apparently was NOT tipped for food that took more than an hour to get there:
Look, I’ve never worked in the delivery industry. And I feel bad for anyone who doesn’t get a tip, because more often than not it’s not their fault. But I’m all for the no tip in this situation. A tip is for great service. If you didn’t get the food to me within an hour, you’re not getting tipped because the service sucked. I don’t give a shit whose fault it is. Your business sucks and I don’t need to know the details about whose fault it is. You all f***ed up as a group, and you don’t get tipped for that. Don’t like it? Deliver for a dependable business or tell your boss to give you the $5 you would’ve gotten from me had you worked for a competent pizza shop.
Anyway, Chelseaa wasn’t done berating this customer over the bad review that she left on her OWN personal Facebook page:
Oh good, now they’re bringing babies into it. This is a quality business if I’ve ever seen one.
Anyway, Mike Sabourin decided to contact us to ask if we had the power to take down the Facebook post on HER PAGE, because apparently it’s slander. We played along:
Yup, he’s totally not a bad guy.
Totally. It’s the town of Palmer that’s the problem.
Hey Mike, here’s a piece of advice – stay off the Internet forever. You’re not good at it. The words you write on Facebook actually matter, especially when you’re in the food and service industry. No, you can’t take down other people’s Facebook posts on their own page because you don’t like the content. No, you should never refer to a customer as a size 30. No, you should not brag about how rich you are under a post about how shitty your businesses’ service is. No, you should not employ titoo mole covered dumpsterslugs who bring babies into the drama your shitty pizza shop created.
It goes without saying that the 1.4 rating makes sense now.
P.S. The word is spreading about where to turn to when ratchet behavior is going down live: