Ratchet Madness 2023 Sweet 16: Laardvark Region

 

 

Sweet 16 voting is finished in the Guttermuppet Region and we have our next two Elite 8 ratchets in this year’s Ratchet Madness Tournament.

Never seen an 8 vs a 10 to get to the Final Four, but in Ratchet Madness anything can happen. Time to decide who should who our final two entrants will be in the Elite 8, and this is includes arguably the most highly anticipated matchups this year.

You have 24 hours to vote on who should advance to the Elite 8.

 

1. Councilor Crusty Creampie  vs. 12. Prison Pen Pal Poonstank

1. Councilor Crusty Creampie

• BLM rioter who got elected to Boston City Council on a platform of abolishing police and replacing police details with ex-cons
• Defended accused rapist friend Ricardo Arroyo and continued to promote his campaign for District Attorney after women came forward
• Nearly started a riot by encouraging a mob to descend on City Hall to support her alleged rapist colleague
• Claimed at a meeting that she gets daily threats calling her a “n***er whore,” which she was using in an attempt to silence the sister of another City Councilor on Twitter
• Public records request for her emails showed that not once did she ever receive an email with either of those words
• Lives in government subsidized housing that she no longer qualifies for due to the salary raise she voted to give herself
• Has multiple evictions and still owes money to a lactation consultant on a 6 year old bill
• Allowed herself to be filmed naked by a Boston teacher who bragged about just finishing anal sex with her while she combed her autistic son’s hair without pants on

 

 

12. Prison Pen Pal Poonstank

• Boston City Councillor who never felt the need to mention that she married her husband while he was 9 years into a life sentence for murdering an immigrant he had set up to be robbed by his hooker friend
• Quite possibly the most ratchet and ghetto elected official in the history of democracy
• Posted that Boston has too many white teachers, firefighters, cops, and other public servants
• Brought a mob of ratchets to City Hall today to defend accused rapist colleague in the trashiest way possible
• Told 2 white colleagues “don’t come for me, because if you want smoke you’ll get smoke”
• Began banging on table yelling “What the FUCK do I have to do in this FUCKING council in order to get respect as a black woman?”
• Encouraged the mob she brought to nearly start a riot outside the City Council chambers

 

 

 

6. Narcan Naniburger and Wigmaster Willy vs. 2. Audrey Robinson

6. Narcan Naniburger and Wigmaster Willy

• Shared a link to a story about one of his triple chinned friends who was suing the Plymouth Police for shooting him after he shot at his wife and child, before shooting at police when they arrived
• Despite never paying taxes was really upset that tax dollars are going to fund to public safety
• Held protest against the police for harassing him due to the fact that he’s a junkie
• Has Google trophies from courthouses all across the south shore, including a wide array of misdemeanors, felonies, and evictions
• Arrested outside of Walmart for A&B on an elderly person but said it wasn’t his fault because he called for an Uber but couldn’t fit all the stuff he paid for with his food stamps into the car, the driver tried telling him this, which caused Wigmaster Willy to freak out, assault him, and jump on the hood of his car
• Wigmaster Willy is the one who called the cops on the man he assaulted, despite the fact that he supposedly hates the police, so he would’ve gotten away with it if his first inclination wasn’t to call them and snitch on the Uber driver
• Created 2 babies with junkie girlfriend Carissa – the one in the police report from Walmart who refused to talk to police, probably because he has a tendency to smack her around whenever she disobeys
• She dumped him in April so Wigmaster Willy broke into her apartment in the middle of the night, went into a rage, she called the cops, and then he began beating the shit out of her while she was on the phone with police
• Narcan Naniburger had no intention of leaving him or cooperating with the DA’s office after that but luckily the DA’s office believes they can convict him with just the 911 audio
• Is on probation pretty much all the time, but he almost never abides by the terms and manages to stay out of jail anyway
• Girlfriend was arrested and charged twice in one week last year for violating a restraining order that her neighbor in the projects got on her
• When police arrived Wigmaster Willy refused to cooperate, whipped out his cell phone and began filming himself calling the responding officers dog killers and pussies, despite the fact that recording the victim who had an order out on his wife was a violation as well
• Claim they want to get their kids back from DCF but constantly air their dirty white trash laundry domestic dispute on Facebook
• Primary disagreement in their “marriage” revolves around use of the family moped, and he can’t drive a car because he hit a Plymouth cop’s pregnant wife a car
• Wigmaster Willy wanted to make it clear that his license was suspended BEFORE he hit the pregnant woman, and that it took the cops 6 hours to find him after he fled the scene of the crime
• A month before that she was posting about how proud she was of her baby for “coming so far and accomplishing so much” because drug court gave him a certificate
• Despite still being a shithead Wigmaster Willy was featured in the newspaper as the official ribbon cutter at a Plymouth drug treatment center
• Wigmaster Willy was proud of Turtleboy fame, and thinks the blog made him look better than he actually is
• Narcan Naniburger was not as pleased, and wrote email and Facebook messages calling me a pussy ass bitch maggot cockroach leech

 

 

2. Audrey Robinson

• Former Templeton School Committee member arrested for downloading and distributing thousands of images of kiddie porn
• Turned into a woman despite clearly being a dude name Audrey
• Continued posting on Facebook after being arrested by FBI like nothing happened
• After news of arrest became public he swore he would fight until the bitter end and was innocent
• Plead guilty 9 months later but said he only did so because the justice system hates transgendered people
• Frequently groomed children on Facebook by looking for photographers for “transgender kids” who want to “live their magical childhood” and said he “knows their innocence”
• Really hates Ron DeSantis due to anti-grooming law in Florida because the government has no right to stop him from talking to kids about how he’s transgender in school
• Favorite place is Disney World so that he can be close to children
• Used Facebook to smear the manager at the 99 Restaurant in Gardner for not letting employees wear rainbow pins, threatening to have a rainbow flash mob there, and accused the manager of giving blowjobs to men
• Smeared and threatened critics with gay attorney husband
• Ironically posted while at a court appearance how a drunk driver was being let off with no consequences, despite being charged with considerably worse crimes
• Immediately after pleading guilty AJ Robinson ran to Facebook to announce to his followers that he only plead guilty because he ran out of money, and vowed to tell the “real” story