Do you currently find yourself sleeping on a cardboard mat in the alleyway behind the local laundromat? Huddled up in blankets inside the dumpster behind the Wendy’s? Do you need accommodations that only negligibly improve the safety and security of your situation, but you only have so much cash in your coffee can at the end of each long day standing at the intersection near the mall? Well, you’re in luck. Because these two have you covered.
They’ve been posting all over local yard sale groups and Facebook marketplace with this can’t-be-beat offer:
$40 a night for a lovely slice of paradise like this?
Surely my eyes deceive me. And it even includes fruit, coffee and the promise that the crusty, leopard-print Ocean State Job Lot bargain bin special comforter drape over that dirty box spring was indeed washed after the last vagrant laid upon it. This deal isn’t just for anyone, though. Oh, no. Although you won’t be subjected to any pesky credit or background checks, you better not be on drugs or an alcoholic. Or judgmental, or negative. Obviously. Also, you better be up to their cleaning standards, which are obviously sky-high.
Also, must like an undisclosed amount of cats.
And must be OK with a registered sex offender lurking just steps down the hall, while you sleep with one eye open.
If you’re not comfortable with that….well that’s cool, too. They already have a plan for that – discriminatory renting practices!
People who can pay preferred, and please; no negative comments.