Law and Order

Springfield Woman Assaults, Spits On, Tries To Eat Spencer Cops While Visiting Her Father Outside Of Liquor Store

 

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According to a report from the Spencer Police Department, 19 year old Nyari Sai Holly of 192 Fountain Street, Springfield was arrested after assaulting two cops over the weekend.

She was in Spencer of all places to visit her father at the veteran’s shelter. The two of them were catching up on old times by doing what any normal father-daughter do would do – screaming in a “loud, argumentative, and hostile tone” at each other outside of a liquor store.

This prompted a passerby to call the police. When they arrived Ms. Holly proudly announced that she “watches COPS and knows how it works,” and then proceeded to should obscenities at officer Valerie Morin while accusing her of being racist. Because everything is racist when the cops are white and the perp is not.

Instead of just calming down, Ms. Holly elected to spit in Officer Morin’s face, punch Sgt. Norman Hodgerney, kick both officers with her boots on, and tried to bite Officer Morin. Police – it’s what’s for dinner.

Instead of telling his daughter to calm down, Pa dukes, who was just fighting with his daughter 30 seconds prior to the police arriving there, shouted at the cops while they pepper sprayed his demonic crotch fruit.

When she was finally placed in the cruiser she kicked the windows and doors, which contrary to urban legend is actually a low percentage way to escape police custody. At the station she was put in the “restraint chair” and Officer Morin had a possible fracture to her right hand as a result of bringing Shrillhan Omar to justice.

I would gladly link and quote the Telegram’s coverage of this story, but a) they’d never do the same for us, and b) they sent me a cease and desist letter last time I quoted and linked one of their stories. So I’ll do what they always pretend to do and say that I got this news from a police report that I randomly dug up on my own, rather than quote and link their story.

P.S. Please God, tell me this isn’t a funeral home.

 

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