Law and Order

Grandmother Featured In TBDN After Her Daughter Robbed An Old Folks Home Issues Scathing Press Release Announcing Turtleboy’s Imminent Arrest

 

Victoria Dimery, the mother of Worcester woman Elanna Williams, who was arrested on Monday for robbing an old folks home and assaulting three staff members, has issued an official press release.

I understand most of our readers are not yet fluent in Ratchetese, so allow me to translate for you.

“Someone screen shot this to mr turtle man!! if that picture of my 14 year old MINOR CHILD ISNT REMOVED THE ONLY PLACE HES GONNA BLOG FROM IS SOTTING WITH LANNA SINCE HE LOVES HER SO MUCH,”

TL;DR translation – Turtleboy is going to jail.

I assume Lanna is her daughter, the one who is in jail for assaulting employees at an old folks home and stealing a purse.

According to Victoria I will be joining her in jail (because jails are coed now) because I posted a picture of her 14 year old child. I definitely posted pictures of what appear to be older images of her currently incarcerated son (based on Facebook comments on this picture).

Along with some of her inspirational quotes about her love of dong.

But evidently I should’ve consulted with attorney Richard N. Vulva before publishing, because I’m going to jail now. Luckily there is good wifi in coed jail, so I should be able to continue to blog from behind bars.

“OH AND THAT LAWSUIT WONT BE SAVED BY OPINIONS CAUSE NOT EVEN THE LAW CAN POST A MINOR CHILD.”

As you can see, this is in ALL CAPS, which means it’s very important. From what I’m able to understand here, she is attempting to say that she plans on filling a lawsuit, and I won’t be able to use the legal defense that my speech is opinion, because posting pictures of an imaginary 14 year old is against the law. FACKS.

This story is developing. Stay tuned for my imminent arrest.

 

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