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Ratchet Madness

Ratchet Madness 2021 Sweet 16: Guttermuppet Region

 

We wrapped up voting in the 2nd round of the Mac Sauce Region last week and here are the final four ratchets who advanced to the Sweet 16.

This was the only region where the 1-2-3 seeds all advanced, although Road Rage Rollins did it the easiest. Here are the official Sweet 16 and their Las Vegas odds for being crowned champion this year.

In all my years of doing this I have never seen 4 ratchets stand out like the first four there. If anyone besides them wins it we’d have a huge upset on our hands. Although it could happen right now as the competition gets stiffer. Time to choose who should advance to the Elite 8 in the Guttermuppet Region. As usual I’ve linked to blogs on each ratchet in their name and provided you with their ratchet resume so that you can make an informed decision.

 

1. Mike Giannetti vs. 4. Beast Lightning

1. Mike Giannetti

  • Notorious heroin dealer from Hyde Park who is likely responsible for the deaths of at least a dozen woman he’s gotten hooked on drugs and had sex with
  • Has lost multiple children to DCF
  • Lost custody of his son after putting the baby on Turtleboy Live show while screaming and swearing
  • Was pulled over and detained by police on his way to court wearing the most ridiculously baggy salvation army suit in the world, and claimed repeatedly that the police broke his arm while pleading with a 1A auditor to give him his number so he could get in contact with Fox News
  • Bragged about intentionally becoming homeless to help increase the chances that his baby momma could keep their son
  • Once dated a woman who left him for notorious junkie Joe Amoroso, at which point he started having sex with her 16 year old daughter
  • Admitted on air to having sex with a woman who was not conscious
  • Tried and failed to have another YouTube show in Florida expose Turtleboy
  • Live streamed himself doing a hit and run somewhere in Boston while attempting to hunt for Turtleboy
  • Speaks exclusively in sentagraph form
  • Considers himself a freestyle rapper but set the world record for poop emojis during Turtleboy Live show rap battle
  • Bragged on social media about being approved for Section 8 housing
  • Frequently drives a car on Facebook Live despite not having a license
  • Has never once cleaned his fingernails
  • Videotaped himself ripping a cigarette in his baby son’s face and put it on Facebook in order to get revenge on primary rival Romolo
  • Pimps out baby he does not have custody of in chains and drug money
  • Primary highlight of his life is getting thousands of YouTube views on a channel that isn’t his
  • Mooned us on Facebook Live after we muted his microphone when he wouldn’t let us speak
  • Showed off DCF action plan to prove how mature he is
  • Has started multiple GoFundMe’s to regain child from DCF

 

4. Beast Lightning

  • Raised a family of criminals, including a gang banger son who was killed years ago and another son named Devante who abused his baby momma repeatedly and probably killed her
  • Strong evidence shows she helped cover up the murder of the mother of her grandchild that happened in her apartment
  • Witnessed and was aware of the abuse and allowed it to transpire without offering the victim any help
  • Beat another pregnant woman with a tire iron who was knocked up by her son because she wanted Devante to take care of his child
  • Found a body in her apartment and instead of calling 911 she called her abusive son and her “spiritual mother,” likely waiting close to an hour before EMS was alerted
  • Has started numerous GoFundMe’s every time one of her kids gets arrested for assaulting a cop or beating a woman
  • Regularly protests the Lowell Police Department because another domestic abuser jumped into a frozen river and drowned instead of going back to jail, likely as a way to monetize his death
  • Lied about Emely Nieves dying from choking on her own blood until the death certificate came out, at which point she did a Facebook Live video berating the family of the deceased and threatening to sue them for pointing out that she likely took part in the cover up of a murder

 

 

 

 

7. BLT-123 Blimpnado vs. 14. Mansfield Antifa Teacher

7. BLT-123 Blimpnado

  • Unemployed gender queer adults with unknown biological body parts who refuse to work or leave their apartment and blame it all on COVID, capitalism, and transphobia
  • Scammed gullible people in Worcester Mutual Aid Facebook group
  • On EBT and SSI
  • Demanded that free menstrual products weren’t being given to men
  • Has made a career out of online begging in order to avoid employment and exercise
  • Asked specifically for  wheat tortillas, go-go juice, Bolthouse Farm Vanilla Chai coffee, unsweetened bottled iced coffee, and rubbing alcohol
  • Call themselves “spoonies,” which is a play on “spoons” which is a metaphor for energy that “disabled” people like chocolate moose Charlie can expend throughout the day
  • Despite living off the generosity of others they frequently price gouge items on Facebook yardsale pages

 

 

14. Mansfield Antifa Teacher

  • Grown woman who socializes and is friends with armed terrorists who post about killing cops
  • Showed up to a family event in Bridgewater with the sole intention of disrupting it
  • Began thrusting her rolls into an unsuspecting woman and later said she felt threatened being there
  • Berated children and police officers, violating social distancing guidelines and taking her mask off to do so
  • Disrupted and was reprimanded at a Board of Selectmen meeting for calling another man a liar for talking about her deplorable behavior at the event
  • Runs a bootleg business that sells CBD products and anti-aging crap that you probably shouldn’t buy
  • Raised money for a man who is currently facing charges for assaulting an elderly (80) woman in Swampscott
  • Tried to get other teachers fired for expressing their opinions on Facebook

 

 

 

 

Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 

 

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