Ratchet Madness 2023 Sweet 16: Spunktrumpet Region


Voting is completed in the Sweet 16 Fupasloth Region and we have our first two Elite 8 Ratchet Madness finalists.

An absolutely dominating performance by the now admittedly non-so-celebrity chef, Mike Fucci. He will certainly be the favorite to be our first Final Four contestant, but Timbuk Tittoo and the Buffet Burritos are also pretty ratchet themselves, so anything is possible.

Time to vote for who should advance in the Spunktrumpet Region. Ratchet resumes and links to blogs below.



16. Bridgeport GoFundMe Gopher vs. 12. Mount St. Melons

16. Bridgeport GoFundMe Gopher

  • Allowed litter of children to play in disaster zone of a backyard, filled with gas cans, dangerous equipment, and sharp objects
  • After 7 year old son’s face was lit on fire while playing with gasoline covered tennis balls they immediately made up lie that he was bullied by other kids in order to raise more than half a million dollars via GoFundMe
  • Immediately bought a new home and received plethora of free gifts, including being honored by Yankees despite burns that went away quickly
  • Previously had multiple evictions and owed over $60K in rent
  • Allowed other boys falsely accused of bullying to become targets of international hate mob



12. Mount St. Melons

  • Presents herself on Facebook and Instagram as sexy, independent, girl boss single Mom
  • Doesn’t work, having retired from stripping over a decade ago, but she does have a sugar daddy who pays for everything.
  • Often posts pictures with cute little dogs, because those are the only dogs that go hand in hand with with duck lips and fake tits
  • In reality dogs were living in horrific conditions, covered in feces and living in cages which wasn’t revealed until MSPCA raider her home
  • Multiple dogs died and were replaced with new ones by her sugar daddy
  • Probate court docs show that she taught her sons pole dancing techniques on a telephone pole, that her son asked his grandma if she knew that a dildo looked like a penis
  • Her other son told his grandma that her sugar daddy’s adult son tickled his privates as a kid
  • One of the boys said that his wee-wee didn’t have hair on it like Derek’s did, and that Derek was teaching them inappropriate things to say




3. Krusty Panties  vs. 10. DCF Bukake Hooker Mom

3. Krusty Panties

  • Stalked, harassed, and threatened a random woman she never met for over a year due to her perceived association with TB
  • Claimed to have paid a private eye to follow the woman around for 6 months and repeatedly posted nude images of her on social media
  • Had an order taken out against her by the woman, only to violate it 2 days later and get charged for doing so
  • Continuously buys subscribers on YouTube in order to validate her own existence
  • Frequently shares pictures of her children to the creepy cult of men from around the world she has assembled on YouTube
  • Raised $60K with a fraudulent legal fees GoFundMe, only to fire the attorney and not show an accounting of where they money went
  • Fabricated a fake email from DCF in a vain attempt to disprove that DCF paperwork showing she abused and neglected her children were fake
  • Repeatedly tells people that she voluntarily adopted out her two youngest children, when in fact they were taken form her by the state after a reunification attempt failed
  • Allows her boyfriend (who she calls her husband) to live in her house with her children despite the fact that he is currently being charged with assault and battery with a knife on her then 14 year old daughter
  • Three months after the knife incident her boyfriend was arrested again in the house for assaulting her, but she allowed him to stay despite the fact that her son told his DCF worker that he is scared to live with him
  • Announced on social media to thousands of people that she lets her 16 year old daughter have sex in her house, provides her with condoms, allows her to smoke pot, and bribes her with cigarettes to do chores
  • Got her 16 year old daughter to contact us and threaten to reproduce so that her children could attack mine, while making sexual comments about a 5 year old
  • Forced her 16 year old daughter to go to court and try to get a HPO on Turtleboy in the hopes that it would compel the court to remove blogs about her mother
  • Forced her daughter to read her own heinous messages in court that were sexualizing 5 and 7 year old children



10. DCF Bukake Hooker Mom

  • When she was 16 years old she made the news as a missing child who had reportedly run away with a man she met online
  • Mother of three who had custody of none after abandoning baby daughter to pursue new career as online, plus sized hooker
  • Left her two older behind and moved to Indiana in 2018 where she got knocked up and had daugher in 2019.
  • Forced child to live with her gang-banging boyfriend in Indianapolis apartment in what can best be described as a tumultuous and dangerous environment based on pictures they shared on social media of him pointing a gun at the camera.
  • Boyfriend posted a video on Instagram of himself locked in the bathroom, trying to hide from a crying, swearing Samantha while baby was sleeping while this loud disturbance was happening
  • Boyfriend ended up getting murdered
  • She overdosed and daughter was put in foster care with her mother and sister
  • Drove cross country in UHaul with unrestrained baby
  • Stayed at friend’s house with baby but was thrown out after a week because she’s too ratchet
  • Moved back to Indianapolis to be online hooker, leaving baby behind
  • Daughter bonded for 3 years with her older brothers who she also abandoned
  • Blew off custody hearing allowing sister to have permanent legal guardianship
  • Decided to f*** with her daughter’s head some more by trying to regain custody in 2021 but was denied because she couldn’t provide basic needs
  • Offers 2 girl discount for $1,000 an hour, or $750 for 30 minutes
  • Allows guys who pay to have sex with her to leave creepy comments on Facebook pictures of her daughter
  • Due to money she was making as online hooker a horrible judge in New Hampshire known to get people killed granted her custody of daughter, ripping her from only world she knew
  • Daughter was eventually reunited after client she was banging pulled a gun on and robbed her as she recorded it all on video
  • Claims she never abandoned daughter and threatened to sue TB for deformation



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