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State Police Seek Identity Of Man Who Allegedly Exposed Himself To Female Jogger While Running In Cambridge 

 

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Many perverts have been arrested for exposing themselves to unsuspecting women, but few have ever been as brazen as this guy is alleged to have been.

Many people have pointed out that you don’t actually see him whipping it out there, proving once again that no one on the Internet ever reads.

Ever.

Common sense tells you that the MSP isn’t going to post a pornographic video showing dong on Facebook, and had they not seen something that backs up the woman’s claim they would not be asking for the public’s help identifying the alleged creep.

Her reaction seems to confirm that this wasn’t just some casual comment he made to her. This is the moment where she’s first starting to process what she just saw.

She then realizes that she got a front row seat to the womb broom happy hour and turns around.

If he was completely innocent and nothing out of the ordinary happened he would just keep running, but instead he also turns around to see if she enjoyed the show.

Unfortunately for him she did not.

How did this guy expect that this would end? I have bad news pal – they all generally look the same, especially while flaccid. This is clearly a guy who watches way, way, way too much porn, if he actually did this. In porn a move like this works 1,000% of the time. I’ve never seen it fail before. But porn is not real life, and the people featured in those movies do not have feelings or souls. In the real world no woman will lust over your Uncle Reamus if you flash it, because generally they all look the same. Plus, she didn’t set out on her run because she can’t find a good bologna baton anywhere else. She’s running because she wants to exercise. As much as we would like to believe differently, there is nothing special about our tonsil ticklers.

I think my biggest question is, was this his plan all along? Or was it spur of the moment? Did he only go jogging with the hopes that a woman would run by him, see his package, and cut her run short because the site of it was too much to pass up? I’ve had to adjust on runs before, but it stays in house while doing so, and I try not to do it when there’s a woman running directly at me. So I have a hard time believing this wasn’t an intentional act.

In conclusion, if you’ve seen the Cambridge Cream Donkey, or if you are the Cambridge Cream Donkey, feel free to send us a message on Facebook to Clarence Woods Emerson or the new Turtleboy Super Terrific Happy Page, or email turtleboysports@gmail.com…

If this is all a big misunderstanding we would love to clear it up. If it’s legit then we’d love to see him identified and brought to justice.

 

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