The beauty of working at Turtleboy Industries is that the people we blog about almost never appear on Turtleboy out of nowhere. More often that not it’s a pattern of behavior that finally caught up to them. But sometimes 3 separate blogs that are seemingly unrelated all come together in a megablog like the one you are about to read.
Last week we published a blog about a Fall River man named Jeremias Cabral (AKA the Portuguese Pubestache) after he set off an Amber Alert for reportedly kidnapping his son and baby mama from a house in Dartmouth. She later said that she went willingly, despite having a restraining order on him, and having previously been uncooperative with the police in order to cover for him.
We also discovered court documents showing that the Portuguese Pubestache was charged in May after he tracked down his father Kenny Cabral and his father’s girlfriend Sheri, threatened to slash her “f***ing tires and smash her windows,” and called her a “cum catcher,” in the middle of traffic. When the responding officer called the Portuguese Pubestache he refused to turn himself in and accused the officer of bias because he once tried to file a false police report with the same officer about a stolen ATV that he had actually sold to the person he was accusing of stealing it.
This arrest is interesting because it ties back to two blog involving his father and ATVs. Let’s start with Dad, who as it turns out we have blogged about before.
Kenny Cabral told the police that his son is a piece of shit who routinely threatens him and his girlfriend/wife Sheri. Yet he was on the Fall River Reporter’s Facebook page defending his son’s honor last week and blaming the victim’s mother for setting him up.
“I mean no disrespect in any shape formal way.”
I mean, he knows the words, he just doesn’t know what order to put them in.
But as it turns out Kenny is no victim. He’s actually an even bigger shitbag than his pubestached son, and he’s been charged 32 times with almost every crime imaginable in Fall River District Court.
Clearly Jeremias learned to be a domestic abusing criminal from watching his old man.
In 2018 Cocaine Kenny was charged with charged in Bristol Superior Court with home invasion, armed assault in a dwelling house, robbery, assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, and assault and battery to collect a loan, after breaking into a man’s house with 3 other men to collect $140 he was allegedly owed. That case still not not been resolved, so he remained free.
The next year he was charged with breaking and entering in the night time and domestic assault and battery after breaking into his ex-girlfriend’s house, and beating up the new boyfriend (whose name she somehow did not know) while he was sleeping before beating the shit out of her too.
Nothing came of it because the victim refused to testify against him.
Most recently he was picked up for threatening an elderly man with a gun who had pulled over to read a text message because the man was interfering with Kenny Cabral’s business. The gun turned out to be a BB gun, as Cocaine Kenny is not allowed to carry real firearms on account of being a convicted felon.
The name Kenny Cabral sounded familiar so I ran his name through the Turtleboy database and discovered that he was already Turtleboy famous. Two years ago we published a blog about a New Bedford woman we named Fireball Felicia, after she was arrested for getting into two separate drunk driving crashes in one night, including one where she left the scene of the crime after striking a man on a motorcycle. Fireball Felicia showed up in the comments section under a news report about the incident, admitted that it was her “drunk ass” that did it, claimed she didn’t flee, shared the story about her arrest on her Facebook page, changed her profile picture to her mugshot, and clearly was an all around raging alcoholic with no shame.
She has since changed her name to Myranda Johnson, a spicy looking Dartmouth hooker who’s looking for a good time.
Fireball Felicia also liked to post pictures of other women’s posteriors on Facebook, pretend they were her cheeks, and wait for the horny menfolk to show up and offer to have sex with her by graphically explaining their raw dog plans. One of these men was Cocaine Kenny.
But that was 2 years ago, and now he’s settled down and married to a woman who his kidnapping son threatens to kill for being a “cum catcher.”
They’re just one big happy Fall River family.
But wait, there’s more.
You may also recall that a month ago we published a blog about a junior hoodbooger who was arrested for running over a Fall River cop on a dirt bike, after a gang of GED participation trophy winners took over the streets to celebrate one of their dead loser friends.
The mother of the teenager who was arrested insisted that her baby dindu nuffin.
To me it didn’t matter because everyone who was there was equally guilty, and I have no sympathy for any of them. Clearly his presence there was indicative of her failings as a mother.
But as it turns out she was right. The person in the video running over the cop wasn’t actually her son (although he was there), it was the Portuguese Pubestache! He was arrested and charged this week for it.
And the only reason they figured that out is because after he was arrested for the baby mama kidnapping, several people in the comments section said they recognized him from the video running the cop over.
Anyway, it’s quite the web these ratchets weave, and I’ll continue to be here to document it for many years to come. Something tells me this won’t be the last time we hear from any of them.
Kenny black Clarence on Facebook two years ago when we blogged about him, but if he’s reading this he’s free to contact me on Facebook or email [email protected] to share his side of the story. He is also hereby invited on the Live Show Saturday night for ratchet redemption.