Ratchet Madness Final 4 Is Set: Vote For Who Should Advance To The Championship


The 2020 Turtleboy Ratchet Madness Final 4 is set.

Bristol Blarney can’t even win at being a ratchet. In fairness, her bracket was stacked. I also thought it was interesting that when I asked turtle riders if they could pick one ratchet out of the 8, she got the most votes.

Interesting that both Bristol Blarney and Tinder Tunaflap got more votes for overall ratchet champion than the person they lost to head to head. This tells us that the people who hated those ratchets, REALLY hated those ratchets, and understandably so. All of them are horrible people, and I wish they all could win.

Here are your new Vegas odds. Bet $100 to win:

All of the contenders are strong. Lorrayna has just dominated everyone up until this point, so she has to be considered the favorite. And although Kylie has yet to be challenged, Nikki Evans just destroyed Landon Steele and took out Bristol Blarney. So she has to be considered a slight favorite in that matchup. And let’s not sleep on Kim Nelligan, even if she puts heroin on your gums. This is Ratchet Madness and anything can happen.

You have 48 hours to vote for who should be in the finals. You can also vote in the other poll too, although it has no bearing on who advances.


1. Lorrayna Calle vs. 3. Kim “Relapsipotamus” Nelligan

1. Lorrayna Calle

  • Assaulted, abused, and had a restraining order taken out against her by a 5 year old girl who she was jealous of because the girls’ father is her current husband
  • Stalked and harassed the girl’s mother for years, vowing to murder both her and the child
  • Made a fake Facebook account, pretending to be the girl’s mother, messaged Turtleboy with it, pretended to be the mother, and acted ratchet in the hopes that we would blog about the woman who had a restraining order out against her
  • Photoshopped a Turtleboy Facebook post to make it look like we had posted her DCF files
  • Sent us graphic images of the 5 year old girl she abused
  • Sat outside the girl’s elementary school taking pictures which she sent to the girl’s grandmother
  • Has RO’s out against her by multiple friends of the girl’s mother
  • Has sent me hundreds of graphic death threats from burner phone numbers
  • Vowed to kill mother’s unborn child
  • While under house arrest she violated RO with Spencer woman and was incarcerated for three months
  • Attempted to not answer the door, forgetting that she had a GPS ankle bracelet on
  • Sent TB pictures of a hospital, claiming to be on the floor where the mother’s new born baby was being kept


3. Kim Nelligan AKA Relapsipotamus

  • Killed her baby by rubbing heroin on her gums in order to get her to take a nap
  • Speaks authentically in Newport Lights voice
  • Gave the newspaper the middle finger at her arraignment
  • Initially blamed the hospital and then SIDS before being arrested
  • Baby pictures she posted in memory of her daughter have crackpipes in the background
  • Has two other kids and all of their pictures together are in DCF visitor rooms
  • Made insane video after being released on bail and uttered the line “I’m not even charged with her (her daughter) death, I’m charged with allowing somebody who was using drugs to be around her. Endangering the welfare of a child.” Believes this makes her virtuous
  • Blamed her junkie baby daddy for the death of her daughter and then went on to become a lesbian




1. Kylie Kirkpatrick vs. 3. Nikki Evans

1. Kylie Kirkpatrick

  • Coached 9 year old son to lie about using allowance to pay off classmates’ school lunch debt so that she could fly across the country like a celebrity and raise thousands of dollars in donations from people
  • Isn’t allowed near her son’s former elementary school after turning a nationwide mob on them, and then threatening parents waiting outside for their children
  • Actively solicited donations while pretending to be a non-profit
  • Took in donations from Nike that she immediately sold online
  • Conceived her son in a brook closet with her counselor in drug rehab
  • Abandoned her daughter to be raised by her parents
  • Went to jail after cashing several checks worth over $10,000 belonging to roommate
  • Had to change son’s last name, presumably because she ran up bad credit using his social security number
  • Lied about her son’s deadbeat Dad dying from ALS in order to get free tickets to an Athletics game
  • Has sued over 20 people and lost every time
  • Viciously attacked the deaf community and sued a deaf woman who started a petition about her job as an ASL instructor due to the fact that she is not trained to do so
  • Is a recovering junkie
  • Silenced and terrorized members of the community who attempted to post factual information about her by threatening them at work and harassing their employers
  • Was investigated by the Napa Police and charged with 8 felonies
  • Created a Twitter account in her son’s name that she used to pretend to be her son and heap praise upon herself for being a single mom
  • Repeatedly sought out the media, celebrities, and politicians using social media in order to get things like free Super Bowl tickets



3. Nikki Evans

  • Cheated on her husband so many times with coworkers and a Milford cop that it drove him to kill himself
  • Left him in a house with a loaded gun while he was suicidal
  • Lost over 100 pounds after her husband paid for her weight loss surgery, but lied and said that she lost it through exercise and dieting
  • Played Lizzo on repeat at his wake and didn’t dress him in his firefighter’s uniform
  • Immediately and incessantly used his death to gain sympathy for herself on Facebook, pretending to be a loving wife
  • Never told her kids that her husband killed himself in order to cover for her role in it
  • Started going out, getting drunk, and having sex with more men immediately after he died
  • Claimed that “He did what he had to do, and at the time what he thought what was best for our kids.”
  • Infiltrated Facebook groups for grieving women who lost loved ones, and constantly tried to turn the attention they were getting back onto her




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