Ratchet Madness 2023 Elite 8

 

Voting is completed in the Sweet 16 round of the Laardvark region and we now know who are two final Elite 8 ratchets will be this year.

1 vs 2. The way it should be.

Let’s review who made the Elite 8.

Two 1 seeds and two 10 seeds join a 2, 3, 8, and this year’s Cinderella 16 seed. Here’s your updated betting odds for who wins it all.

Audrey Robinson hasn’t gotten less than 74% of the vote in a single matchup. That’s Monica-level dominance. But he will have his hands full with top seeded Kendra Lara. On the other side I think we’re headed to a showdown between two contemptible creatures, which would make one hell of a Final 4 matchup.

Now it’s time to vote for who should advance to the Final 4. Before we begin please vote in this poll (which doesn’t count), for who you think should win it all. I do this because sometimes ratchets do better in head to head matchups than they do against the field, so I’m curious to see who the favorite is this year. I won’t be showing results.

Now vote for which four should advance.

 

1. Mike Fucci vs. 10. Timbuk Tittoo and Buffet Burritos

1. Mike Fucci

• Pretended to have cancer in order to raise $20K for a fraudulent GoFundMe
• After getting caught said it was a miscommunication with his doctor despite previously telling extensive details about meetings with team from Dana Farber
• Never told mistress #1 he was married, convinced her to have his baby, then abandoned her and never paid child support
• Told mistress #1 he was going to buy her a $1.7 million home belonging to someone else in Lynnfield that wasn’t for sale, bought a bunch of furniture, tried to get her mother to quit job and become their nanny, then broke up with her when she went to the home
• Denied he was the father until DNA test came through, then told everyone that he was raped
• Accidentally showed paperwork from AGO during rant about Charlie Baker, showing that he was under investigation for wage theft in prison release program
• Has worked a grand total of 3 days in the last 20 years before being fired as a chef at Watertown restaurant
• Claimed to be a celebrity chef worth $27 million, but told judge in RO hearing that he was not a celebrity chef
• Never paid dozens of employees and berated them for asking to get paid while flaunting cash and going on spending sprees at the casino
• Admitted that he abused an elderly man by swearing at him after not shoveling sidewalk in front of failing Needham business
• Raised money for a fake homeless charity for veterans
• Has several court judgements against him for not fulfilling catering services for clients, including standing people up on their wedding days and screwing over a youth church group
• Stole from the Jimmy Fund
• Tried to fight a guy in a parking lot for not showing him enough respect on a Facebook group
• Wrote cookbook he had for sale which several people paid for and didn’t receive
• Convinced his wife who is the sole breadwinner to sell her condo and move in with her parents in order to finance his business
• Tried and failed to get an order on me and have me charged with a crime for knocking on front door of his wife’s parent’s home
• Exploited death of Red Sox pitcher he didn’t know that well for likes on social media
• Immediately tried to find new women online after losing in court and was identified on Facebook group used to ID dangerous men

 

10. Timbuk Tittoo and Buffet Burritos

• Forced children age 8-16 to drive to New York City to panhandle, despite none of them having a license, so that they didn’t have to get jobs
• After 5 of them were killed in a midnight car accident they immediately made $67K off a GoFundMe that was shared in the media
• One of the mothers is a face tattooed ratchet who got upset when people were donating to a GoFundMe that she was not able to control the money for
• Turns out 5 of the 6 kids had the same Dad, but different Moms, and they were all living a polygamous lifestyle and never enrolled any of their kids in school

 

 

 

16. Bridgeport GoFundMe Gopher vs. 3. Krusty Panties

16. Bridgeport GoFundMe Gopher

• Allowed litter of children to play in disaster zone of a backyard, filled with gas cans, dangerous equipment, and sharp objects
• After 7 year old son’s face was lit on fire while playing with gasoline covered tennis balls they immediately made up lie that he was bullied by other kids in order to raise more than half a million dollars via GoFundMe
• Immediately bought a new home and received plethora of free gifts, including being honored by Yankees despite burns that went away quickly
• Previously had multiple evictions and owed over $60K in rent
• Allowed other boys falsely accused of bullying to become targets of international hate mob

 

3. Krusty Panties

• Stalked, harassed, and threatened a random woman she never met for over a year due to her perceived association with TB
• Claimed to have paid a private eye to follow the woman around for 6 months and repeatedly posted nude images of her on social media
• Had an order taken out against her by the woman, only to violate it 2 days later and get charged for doing so
• Continuously buys subscribers on YouTube in order to validate her own existence
• Frequently shares pictures of her children to the creepy cult of men from around the world she has assembled on YouTube
• Raised $60K with a fraudulent legal fees GoFundMe, only to fire the attorney and not show an accounting of where they money went
• Fabricated a fake email from DCF in a vain attempt to disprove that DCF paperwork showing she abused and neglected her children were fake
• Repeatedly tells people that she voluntarily adopted out her two youngest children, when in fact they were taken form her by the state after a reunification attempt failed
• Allows her boyfriend (who she calls her husband) to live in her house with her children despite the fact that he is currently being charged with assault and battery with a knife on her then 14 year old daughter
• Three months after the knife incident her boyfriend was arrested again in the house for assaulting her, but she allowed him to stay despite the fact that her son told his DCF worker that he is scared to live with him
• Announced on social media to thousands of people that she lets her 16 year old daughter have sex in her house, provides her with condoms, allows her to smoke pot, and bribes her with cigarettes to do chores
• Got her 16 year old daughter to contact us and threaten to reproduce so that her children could attack mine, while making sexual comments about a 5 year old
• Forced her 16 year old daughter to go to court and try to get a HPO on Turtleboy in the hopes that it would compel the court to remove blogs about her mother
• Forced her daughter to read her own heinous messages in court that were sexualizing 5 and 7 year old children

 

 

 

8. West Warwick Grammy Gangsta  vs. 10. New Bedford Knob Slob

8. West Warwick Grammy Gangsta 

•  15 year old West Warwick boy named Ger’Vontae Tilson was shot and killed in Providence, and he was commemorated in the normal ratchet fashion – t-shirts, empty bottles of Henny, and a candlelight vigil
• Mom spoke about what a great kid her felon in training son was, and that he had a baby on the way despite being 15
• Began posting in CAPS LOCK about how she was gonna kill the people who killed her son, plotting to hurt mofos, and bragging how her son was the realest
• It turned out that her son got shot after setting another kid up to be robbed of a gun, and the shooter was not charged with murder because it was self defense
• Mom responded to non-indictment about how “REAL N****S DON’T HIDE,” as she vowed revenge
• Immediately began working on dope t-shirts, tattoos, and making sure no one took a picture of the casket.
• Glorified the teenage girl who’s acting as the incubator for her first of many grandchildren to come.
• Posted videos two days after son died from when her son was 13 years old, teasing him about losing his virginity alongside the mother of the girl he lost his virginity to
• “N****s is out here losing they virginity and shit. Ger’vonte, that’s what you do at 13. You don’t even know what the f*** you doing. What you doing, baby strokes? It’s even more funny because the Mom is my friend.”
• When he was alive Mom did nothing about son’s Facebook posts saying he was the “realest n****a” in Providence and about how his rivals “better get low” when they see him
• Primary concern afterwards was people “clout chasing” grief by crying too much over his death
• Media intentionally cropped out picture of her with her dead son so it didn’t show him giving the camera the finger
• Regularly films herself driving around with her unrestrained toddlers in the back hitting each other and flipping the bird
• Posted 30 minute video pretending to be a good mother, because she’s upset about the way that her son’s friends are grieving him because it takes the attention off of her

 

10. New Bedford Knob Slob

• Extremely grizzled woman who almost definitely speaks with a Newport Lights accent
• Has given birth to 5 or 6 children (hard to keep track), who she likes to use as props in her e-begging scams, especially around the holidays
• Posted in a Wareham Facebook group that one of her baby daddy’s died “unexpectedly,” and she was waiting for the “children’s death benefits,” and asked for handouts to give her kids a Merry Christmas
• Failed to mention that her baby daddy had a plethora of Google trophies, the two of them routinely got high together, and he probably died from an overdose, but immediately capitalized on that with a GoFundMe
• Failed to mention that just 5 days before she found him dead he was arrested for violating a restraining order she had on him when they were pulled over by police while she was giving him a ride home from court
• Failed to mention that just a couple days ago she violated the terms of her probation by skipping out on rehab and not passing her piss tests
• Has been charged with 95 crimes in various courts around the south shore, including incident when trooper noticed her trying to hide heroin and needles when they were pulled over for driving an unregistered vehicle
• Arrested in 2018 for driving under the influence of drugs with kids in the car, and police actually found her passed out in the driver’s seat
• In 2019 she was arrested for driving without a license after a cop saw her illegally parking in a handicapped spot
• In 2020 she once again was arrested again for rear ending someone after most likely dozing off during a bender while behind the wheel of a vehicle she wasn’t licensed to operate
• Has been begging for free shit for years and using the children she keeps firing out of her baby cannon as bait
• According to her Facebook bio you’re not allowed to judge her
• Is 39 years old but appears to be 114 in New Bedford years
• Despite being unable to afford Christmas for her kids, she is able to bring them to Disney World every year
• Last year she claimed that her now deceased sperm donor beat the crap out of her and she had to go full single Mom since they’d already booked the trip
• Despite Disney trips every year she can’t afford to pay her government subsidized rent of $450 a month, which is why she was evicted by the New Bedford Housing Authority a few weeks ago
• Offers house cleaning services, which she uses to elicit sympathy by constantly bringing up the fact that the guy she had an order on died of an overdose
• Used housecleaning “business” to steal people’s pills, their dead mother’s wedding rings, pandora bracelets, concert tickets, and $500 Euros if they just let you into their Swansea, Rochester, and Dartmouth homes
• Was so high that she asked the woman who pressed charges on her if she could clean her house again
• Used fake business to get $9,100 in free money via PPP loans for the scam business that she uses to rob people
• Claims to be college graduate
• Has lucrative side gig of selling stolen gift cards that aren’t activated

 

 

 

1. Councilor Crusty Creampie  vs. 2. Audrey Robinson

1. Councilor Crusty Creampie

• BLM rioter who got elected to Boston City Council on a platform of abolishing police and replacing police details with ex-cons
• Defended accused rapist friend Ricardo Arroyo and continued to promote his campaign for District Attorney after women came forward
• Nearly started a riot by encouraging a mob to descend on City Hall to support her alleged rapist colleague
• Claimed at a meeting that she gets daily threats calling her a “n***er whore,” which she was using in an attempt to silence the sister of another City Councilor on Twitter
• Public records request for her emails showed that not once did she ever receive an email with either of those words
• Lives in government subsidized housing that she no longer qualifies for due to the salary raise she voted to give herself
• Has multiple evictions and still owes money to a lactation consultant on a 6 year old bill
• Allowed herself to be filmed naked by a Boston teacher who bragged about just finishing anal sex with her while she combed her autistic son’s hair without pants on

 

2. Audrey Robinson

• Former Templeton School Committee member arrested for downloading and distributing thousands of images of kiddie porn
• Turned into a woman despite clearly being a dude name Audrey
• Continued posting on Facebook after being arrested by FBI like nothing happened
• After news of arrest became public he swore he would fight until the bitter end and was innocent
• Plead guilty 9 months later but said he only did so because the justice system hates transgendered people
• Frequently groomed children on Facebook by looking for photographers for “transgender kids” who want to “live their magical childhood” and said he “knows their innocence”
• Really hates Ron DeSantis due to anti-grooming law in Florida because the government has no right to stop him from talking to kids about how he’s transgender in school
• Favorite place is Disney World so that he can be close to children
• Used Facebook to smear the manager at the 99 Restaurant in Gardner for not letting employees wear rainbow pins, threatening to have a rainbow flash mob there, and accused the manager of giving blowjobs to men
• Smeared and threatened critics with gay attorney husband
• Ironically posted while at a court appearance how a drunk driver was being let off with no consequences, despite being charged with considerably worse crimes
• Immediately after pleading guilty AJ Robinson ran to Facebook to announce to his followers that he only plead guilty because he ran out of money, and vowed to tell the “real” story