Ratchet Madness 2021 Round 1: Guttermuppet Region




1. Mike Giannetti

  • Notorious heroin dealer from Hyde Park who is likely responsible for the deaths of at least a dozen woman he’s gotten hooked on drugs and had sex with
  • Has lost multiple children to DCF
  • Lost custody of his son after putting the baby on Turtleboy Live show while screaming and swearing
  • Was pulled over and detained by police on his way to court wearing the most ridiculously baggy salvation army suit in the world, and claimed repeatedly that the police broke his arm while pleading with a 1A auditor to give him his number so he could get in contact with Fox News
  • Bragged about intentionally becoming homeless to help increase the chances that his baby momma could keep their son
  • Once dated a woman who left him for notorious junkie Joe Amoroso, at which point he started having sex with her 16 year old daughter
  • Admitted on air to having sex with a woman who was not conscious
  • Tried and failed to have another YouTube show in Florida expose Turtleboy
  • Live streamed himself doing a hit and run somewhere in Boston while attempting to hunt for Turtleboy
  • Speaks exclusively in sentagraph form
  • Considers himself a freestyle rapper but set the world record for poop emojis during Turtleboy Live show rap battle
  • Bragged on social media about being approved for Section 8 housing
  • Frequently drives a car on Facebook Live despite not having a license
  • Has never once cleaned his fingernails
  • Videotaped himself ripping a cigarette in his baby son’s face and put it on Facebook in order to get revenge on primary rival Romolo
  • Pimps out baby he does not have custody of in chains and drug money
  • Primary highlight of his life is getting thousands of YouTube views on a channel that isn’t his
  • Mooned us on Facebook Live after we muted his microphone when he wouldn’t let us speak
  • Showed off DCF action plan to prove how mature he is
  • Has started multiple GoFundMe’s to regain child from DCF



16. Seniorita Swallows

  • Posted on Facebook after her brother and a 16 year old accomplice murdered someone that it was “kill or be killed n***a”
  • Frequently posts videos of herself drinking Hennessy while saying “free you,” referring to which ever one of her friends was arrested on a felony that week
  • Refers to her two year old daughter as a heffer while bemoaning having to oversee remote learning
  • Simultaneously expressed support for victim her brother murdered while demanding her brother be freed from jail for murdering him




8. North Shore Penis Pinata

  • Uses her children as accomplices to steal packages from victims they target on Facebook yard sale pages
  • Messages victims to buy something, says she’ll leave money at their house, and then sends one of her kids to grab the package and run
  • When confronted about it she swore she left the money despite video where you can see a child running away and jumping into a car filled with ratchets who are laughing about their latest haul
  • Once got in a hit and run with a pedestrian as her children were in the backseat and claimed to have called 911 because her license was suspended
  • Has been evicted a million times and has a whole bunch of judgments against her because she doesn’t show up for court and has no plans to pay any of the judgments anyway
  • Pretends to be in the hospital during some of her benders, in which she leaves the out of control children at home to cause trouble on their own



9. Eric Matlock

  • Once arrested after chaining himself to Northampton City Hall steps to protest DCF taking his kids because he was homeless
  • Once featured in TB Top 25 Ware mugshots blog
  • Live streamed himself over the summer harassing and threatening to kill Northampton cops who were responding to a call
  • Told responding officer   



4. Beast Lightning

  • Raised a family of criminals, including a gang banger son who was killed years ago and another son named Devante who abused his baby momma repeatedly and probably killed her
  • Strong evidence shows she helped cover up the murder of the mother of her grandchild that happened in her apartment
  • Witnessed and was aware of the abuse and allowed it to transpire without offering the victim any help
  • Beat another pregnant woman with a tire iron who was knocked up by her son because she wanted Devante to take care of his child
  • Found a body in her apartment and instead of calling 911 she called her abusive son and her “spiritual mother,” likely waiting close to an hour before EMS was alerted
  • Has started numerous GoFundMe’s every time one of her kids gets arrested for assaulting a cop or beating a woman
  • Regularly protests the Lowell Police Department because another domestic abuser jumped into a frozen river and drowned instead of going back to jail, likely as a way to monetize his death
  • Lied about Emely Nieves dying from choking on her own blood until the death certificate came out, at which point she did a Facebook Live video berating the family of the deceased and threatening to sue them for pointing out that she likely took part in the cover up of a murder


13. Brillo Pad Bobby and the Weymouth Street Toughs

  • Teens who robbed and assaulted other teens, then threatened and harassed the victims
  • Father of one of the teens was arrested in high school for stabbing another student
  • Father has since been arrested for open and gross lewdness
  • Son frequently posts ghettorific things on Facebook about his homies getting shot and seems to think he’s some sort of gang member
  • Friends with legendary deadbeat Dad Michael Cadena



5. Hyannis Crack Raptor

  • Appearance on Turtleboy was accurately predicted in the comments section of a blog in 2018
  • Frequently posts videos of herself abusing her children, including forcing the unrestrained toddler to topple into a grocery cart and smashing eggs on her children’s heads while they cried and she laughed
  • Threatened concerned critics that her young son would stab them for speaking ill of his mother
  • Uses phrases like “Beat the hoe up,” despite living in Cape Cod



12. Concord Kiddie Conniseur

  • Caught by the Mass Predator Poachers trying to meet up with a 14 year old boy for sex in a Marlborough parking lot
  • Freely admitted in the video that he’s successfully met up with underage boys this way in the past
  • Said that it was OK to meet up with underage boys for sex because rich people buy kids all the time
  • Did this while he was on probation for strangulation and A&B with a dangerous weapon
  • Frequently used the n word on social media while pretending to be some sort of hoodrat gangsta




3. Salisbury Beach Henny Hog Goblins

  • Got into one of the most ratchet brawls of all time at Salisbury Beach while their friends and family cheered them on and refereed
  • Forgot to put the dog away prior to the fight, nearly leading to the poor thing getting trampled to death
  • Thicky Martin was from Lowell and frequently posted about how she don’t date no fake crips along with sexually derogatory language
  • One was named Neyleisha and has a ratchet sister defending her named Nylisha
  • Came on the Live show and went full ratchet attempting to justify their actions
  • Frequently post “RIP muh boi” and bathroom selfies on Facebook
  • San Juan Sandy was from Haverhill and posted afterwards that she had no choice but to fight because she “ain’t no punk b****”


14. Mansfield Antifa Teacher

  • Grown woman who socializes and is friends with armed terrorists who post about killing cops
  • Showed up to a family event in Bridgewater with the sole intention of disrupting it
  • Began thrusting her rolls into an unsuspecting woman and later said she felt threatened being there
  • Berated children and police officers, violating social distancing guidelines and taking her mask off to do so
  • Disrupted and was reprimanded at a Board of Selectmen meeting for calling another man a liar for talking about her deplorable behavior at the event
  • Runs a bootleg business that sells CBD products and anti-aging crap that you probably shouldn’t buy
  • Raised money for a man who is currently facing charges for assaulting an elderly (80) woman in Swampscott
  • Tried to get other teachers fired for expressing their opinions on Facebook



6. Debbie Does Duckface

  • Killed a man in Rhode Island in a hit and run a few days before Christmas
  • Fled the state and was apprehended and arrested by the feds in Arizona in late February
  • Made bail and immediately posted to Facebook, condemning the “clout chasers,” and vowed to “start exposing y’all hoes” before she “beats this case”
  • While on the run from the law she offered Facebook friends oral sex in exchange for money sent via CashApp
  • Offered to ride them and allow them to choke her when they expressed hesitation
  • While on the run for killing a man frequently posted on Facebook about buying new Jordans and getting her nails done
  • Previously threatened to fight a pregnant woman in a ghetto Facebook post
  • Has Google trophies for domestic violence in East Providence, A&B and disorderly conduct in Warwick, domestic violence in Cranston, obstructing a police officer in Cranston, violation of a no contact order, shoplifting in Warwick, and a whole bunch of traffic violations ranging from driving without a license, to driving while on the phone, to driving an uninsured vehicle


11. Sour Cream and Bunyan

  • Scammed support groups across the country, pretending to be a pregnant woman running away from an abusive lover
  • Said that no one could question her or post negative comments about her fraudulent story
  • Red flags arose due to PayPal email [email protected]
  • Told different groups different made up stories, including about her mother dying, in order to elicit sympathy donations
  • Ironically warned group members that another woman was a scammer
  • Boyfriend went to jail and she posted about needing a sugar daddy
  • Lost custody of all her children
  • Long term goals include gym membership, getting fly again, and finding housing, and she has no time for rival ho’s complaining to her man that they’re worried that their man will leave them when they get out of jail
  • Facebook memories of her husband all revolve around cunalingus
  • Believes God will make it rain money on her
  • Attempted to blackmail me with fraudulent screenshots of me attempting to solicit sex from her if I did not remove the first blog about her
  • Accused me of “lying against” her
  • Vowed to sue for deformation



7. BLM-123 Blimpnado

  • Unemployed gender queer adults with unknown biological body parts who refuse to work or leave their apartment and blame it all on COVID, capitalism, and transphobia
  • Scammed gullible people in Worcester Mutual Aid Facebook group
  • On EBT and SSI
  • Demanded that free menstrual products weren’t being given to men
  • Has made a career out of online begging in order to avoid employment and exercise
  • Asked specifically for  wheat tortillas, go-go juice, Bolthouse Farm Vanilla Chai coffee, unsweetened bottled iced coffee, and rubbing alcohol
  • Call themselves “spoonies,” which is a play on “spoons” which is a metaphor for energy that “disabled” people like chocolate moose Charlie can expend throughout the day
  • Despite living off the generosity of others they frequently price gouge items on Facebook yardsale pages


10. Fireball Felicia

  • Got into two DUI crashes in one night in the Fall River/Westport area, leaving the scene of the crime after hitting a man on a motorcycle
  • Urged people on Facebook to contact her probation officer and demand that she be urine tested more often to prove that she’s a junkie
  • Showed up on Fall River Reporter Facebook page under story about her and said, “that was my drunk ass,” and “I was drunk, OK?”
  • Made her mugshot her profile picture on Facebook
  • Posted that getting arrested for hitting a man on a motorcycle was “Karma for my ass”
  • First thing she did after getting out of jail was post pictures of empty Fireball nips she drank
  • Claims to have found nips of Fireball in random furniture crevices
  • Posts pictures of another woman’s very attractive body on her page, purporting to be her own, so she can solicit men who will pay her for sex



2. Quincy Taco Tickler

  • Grizzled lesbian who constantly posts ghettorific things on Facebook and has permanent Newport Lights voice
  • Has a long and documented criminal history despite being her early 20’s
  • Stabbed an innocent man to death for no reason at a train station
  • Mother is a Guns and Roses pass around who demanded that the Quincy Police free her child under a Facebook post announcing her arrest, and blamed the victim
  • Mom claimed that the police need to get their “fax straight”
  • Appeared in a Facebook Live video with another ratchet named “Coco the Blood,” in which they threatened another ratchet
  • Began to physically assault Coco the Blood after she spit on the Taco Tickler’s sister’s crib in an attempt to gain the Taco Tickler’s tacit approval
  • Defended by army of ratchet friends in the comments


15. Enfield Neckbeard Mafia

  • Assaulted police officers by throwing liquor bottles at them after police responded to a 911 call because one of them was threatening to kill himself
  • Provoked the entire incident and did so on Facebook Live
  • Drink Twisted Tea and wear flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hats and neckbeards
  • Whined like babies and screamed for their mommy’s while being dragged to police car
  • Told the responding officers,        
  • Went on the News and played the victim
  • Defended relentlessly online by




Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 


Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonetization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the Donation button above if you'd like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy:  Qries

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